Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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