There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
