smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
