Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
