Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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