because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
soo... how was my night?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
