I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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