I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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