he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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