That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
