You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
