My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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