somebody snuck up and got me drunk
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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