At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just tell him i said nine months
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
