One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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