ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
