every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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