So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
