just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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