You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
