She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
