I heard we made out
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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