I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
