In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
