guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
