he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
