you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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