look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
