I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
