girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
