butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
