even my farts smell like vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
