new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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