just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
