She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
