I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize