she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
