Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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