i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
