took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
