A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
