If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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