I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
