omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
