I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
