i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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