You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
