Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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