I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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