you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
