you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
