There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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