sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
