the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
