I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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