Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
