Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
