Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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