I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
