god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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