I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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