Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
