i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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