they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
