Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
