im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
