boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
