two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
