Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm passing your future prison.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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