I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
