How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
