Apparently you make a good broom.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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