the condom got lost in my hair
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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